Stuff

Yeah its been some time since anything was posted. Woops.

Lately things have been getting really routine. For three weeks in a row I didn't have one class canceled (I think that word should have two "L's" in it. I also think the word 'buses' should have two 's's' in it. That was so hard to type.) Every week up until recently I would have my classes canceled for one reason or another. Unfortunately this gives me less time to pore over my fantasy team. Which brings me to my next point..

I have decided that no foreign teacher in Korea does less work than me. I don't like to put it that way, and would even welcome a little "work" from time to time. But none of my co-teachers want me to do the lesson planning, only to teach. Teaching here, especially to the little kids, is more playing than anything else. And since I have every afternoon off every day, that means I have 3-4 hours to do as I please. Since I technically don't really do any work, nobody could possibly do less than me. So, by default, I think its fair to say that nobody in Korea does less actual 'work' than I.

Lots of the foreigners around here love talking about how poor some English literature is. So many people wear shit that just does not make sense, and they have no idea what it says/means. Like the security guard at my school who wears a very nice New York Islanders pullover every day. Or take, for instance, the boy in my school who wears a shirt with an American flag on it. Great! I like America. But the flag is not a flag at all, rather, a marijuana leaf but with the stars and stripes. It's ok though, because "My Glorious" is written above it. How in the wide world of sports is everybody ok with this? Do teachers not notice things like that? I suppose they don't know what it is and therefore cannot enforce anything. But who in the hell has the audacity to even produce a shirt such as that? Especially for a child?!? I like this country.

I have gathered a couple nicknames lately: Tigerburke, Hulk, and Optimus Tighe are just some of them. I also have too many secret handshakes with kids to remember. Seriously one kid got upset because I couldn't remember what came after the double-pound/elbow tap/explosion sequence. I have also given up trying to get these kids to stop poking my buttcrack. It's futile. Cherie, this girl who teaches in a private academy within my school, gets it around 5 times per day.

I walked to school last week, in the building, up the stairs, and sat down--all without sweating--for the first time since I have been here.

Last Wednesday, to celebrate the fact that the entire school had some standardized testing, all of the teachers in the school took a little trip to this island about an hour away. I was told that we would be eating sushi. Great! I like sushi. So we get to this restaurant, and of the 70 teachers present they of course make me sit between the principle and vice-principle (who drinks like a fish). As usual we were sitting on the floor and without shoes on, which neither me nor the principle benefited from. I don't like to do laundry/dishes/most normal person hygiene stuff, so the socks that I was using had also been worn the previous day. They didn't smell good. I digress. The food comes in waves, there are lots of different courses and everybody shares everything. Then the octopus came. It didn't look too great, but I tried it anyway. Something was different about it though. I wasn't quite sure---most food that humans eat doesn't move on its own, especially when in a mouth. That wasn't the case with this, as I felt that shit latching onto my tongue and twirling around. I looked at the plate and was surprised to see the octopus on it moving. Hmmmm. Although I've eaten scorpions and dog thus far, I've yet to eat something thats moving. An abnormal amount of effort is needed to chew and get them to stop suctioning your mouth.The principles found this very funny. Anyway, it was pretty good. But it was not sushi.

Every Thursday afternoon I play basketball with a group of kids. Over the summer we'd go outside but now that its getting colder we stay inside. When I first got here I didn't understand what it was they were asking of me; they just told me that I had to do "basketball with children". I tried getting them to do layup lines and then scrimmage, but the layup lines didn't really work out. Nowadays, there is absolutely zero 'coaching' happening on my behalf. The 9-ft hoops are so fun to play on. Some of these kids literally think I'm in the NBA. The scrimmages are getting better and better though. We are really starting to understand 'team defense'. Our best defense is when this fat kid with Down's Syndrome runs and screams into the faces of the kids who he is 'guarding'. They all fear this kid, and nobody wants to be on his team. To make it fair I usually play with him--I do the scoring and he does half the defending. I say half because apparently none of these kids has ever actually learned the rules of the game, if they had, they would know that goaltending is illegal. I probably average 12-15 blocks per class. It's also educational, as I have them practicing their "L's" and "R's", since they all now know how to say 'block party'. They still are having a tough time with "LeBron" though...

One day at lunch one of the teachers asked me if it was ok to hit students in the U.S. Ummmm, no. Not usually. Not in any legal way, no. She then explained how it was acceptable in Korea maybe 5 years ago. Fast-forward one week, and she is swinging her hand as hard as she can towards a student. I turned the other cheek.

Last week I had the single most awkward moment of my life...

Maybe once a week the 5th grade teachers and I will all get food delivered to school. Usually pizza or chicken or something Western, so its great. My co-teacher Hye Kyeong can speak English pretty well, so we hang out whenever the teachers get together. She didn't want to eat, as her OCD was forcing her to finish some work she was doing. (I guess some teachers do that sort of thing here.) I can go eat and be social without her, right? The other teachers know very little English, keep in mind. So we're eating some pizza and chicken, and they get some grapes out. The grapes here are soooo good but lots of them have seeds. On my makeshift plate I have maybe 15 seeds and a couple of chicken bones. I had already had like 3 pieces of pizza, and there were 12 of us so having three pieces was pretty sweet, especially since there were only two pizzas. Well, nobody is really eating the one with pineapple, sweet potato, potato, corn, and bacon on it. I decide, screw it, I can eat all I want. I reach over for my 4th piece and in doing so my shirt clips my plate and throws all of its contents onto the remaining pizza. I honestly don't think you could have placed these grape seeds in a more difficult to find place. Literally all over the remaining pizza. If that wasn't enough, the chicken bones were neatly resting on another 2 pieces. Remember that nobody really speaks communicable English. So uncomfortable. One of the teachers didn't see what I had done and grabbed a piece, to my relief. A minute later she was surprised to find a grape seed in her pizza, and had to spit it out. Guilty. I mean it really wasn't all that bad--I got to eat a couple more slices, but I'm sure my PR took a major dive.

So I met this elderly couple who speak pretty good English. Mr. Yu and his wife Patty live close to me, and are really nice people. Mr. Yu lived in Lemont, IL for seven years in the 80's working. They have cooked for me and taken met out to eat; they really are great friends to have. They are both in their late 70's but I enjoy spending time with them. My ankle has been bothering me for months, so they suggested I get traditional Korean acupuncture. I went, but lets just say I enjoy Western medicine more. I did not enjoy having a needle stuck into my hand to relieve my ankle pain. But it does feel a little better I suppose.


Outside of all that there is not a whole lot going on. The weekends have been so much fun lately, I have developed a nice little niche of friends here who know how to party, and the last couple of weekends have been fairly epic. I also have a couple dudes come over maybe once a week to game it. My running back had 439 rushing yards in one game. Having my Playstation here was initially a social burden, now it just attracts everyone.

I bought another ticket to Thailand for Christmas. Christmas day I will be in Bangkok, a city where 95% of the population is Buddhist. Then I'm going to the Philippines. Until then I have to maintain some semblance of reality. We'll see how that goes.....