Fear the Reds

Words for the week: snorkel, partly cloudy

So a few times a week the 5th grade teachers, (whom I'm apparently a part of) get together and eats Korean snacks. Its usually some pretty different stuff, but I eat it anyway. One afternoon the teachers came back with this ice cream-type stuff with rice cakes and kidney beans in it. It was ice on top of a smoothie and then the beans and rice cakes at the bottom of it. I don't know what it was called, and I don't know how its sold regularly. It wasn't great, not terrible but not great, and it reminded me why you don't mix beans with ice cream.

Oh and I was recently introduced to how Korean children signify their admiration of someone. One day I was wrasslin around with the kids before class, like I always do, and this one kid came up to me and put his hands together in the shape of a handgun, ran behind me, and stuck it into my butt....Uh...What?!?! I had no idea how to react..I mean what the hell just happened? It was sooo weird. I told the kid "no, no you can't do that", but all he did was smile at me and run away. I've since blocked repeated attempts at my rear end, and am obviously much more vigilant of the kids at all times. I brought this up to some friends and found out that this type of thing happens often, but only to guys. It means they like you, so I guess I got dat goin' for me. What a weird cultural concept.





I finally had an orientation Monday through Wednesday of the past week. We went to this convention center where over 200 foreign teachers in my province (Gyeonggi) alone are currently teaching. It was pretty cool...I learnt a lot about teaching and made a lot of friends who live near me. What was particularly cool was meeting people from English-speaking countries all around the globe--New Zealand, Australia, South Africa, the UK, Ireland, Canada, and all over the United States. So that was cool. And we were able to have some beers at night which made it all that much more fun.

Last weekend I went to a place called Muuido, which is an island off of Incheon (which supports Korea's largest international airport). To get to the island you need to take a ferry, and round trip was like 3,000 won, or less than $3. Real cheap. We then went to this area called Hanagae which is nothing more than a little strip of beach with all sorts of gondolas along the beach, each at 10,000 won a night. Again, very cheap. It was pretty much spring break, just hanging out on the beach all weekend long and eating shellfish and other local marine wildlife. The tides there are pretty outstanding, and I even went out as far as maybe 500 yards one time where the water had been just a few hours ago. It was pretty cool, and again there were lots of English speakers all over the place.

One of the things that I have really noticed since being here is how well Koreans can save space. There are around 50 million people here, all crammed into an area roughly the size of Indiana. So there's not much real estate to work with, and so Koreans have become experts at saving space. For example, many bathrooms' showers consist of nothing more than a shower head poking out of the wall in a bathroom, with everything in the bathroom being waterproof. It's also rare, as I've noted before, for Koreans to have dryers. And there are lots and lots and lots of buses (I still think that word should be spelled busses), and they are usually pretty full. A lot of people ride them, and therefore either don't have a car or have only one in their family. Another space-saving example is in my school. With over 1700 kids, one would think that the cafeteria might be a central room in the building. But actually, there is no cafeteria. The lunch ladies bring food up in these huge carts on elevators and each class eats in their homeroom, and then spends time cleaning up afterwords. Its kinda interesting to see these ways that people have learned to deal with too many people in not enough space.



Prior to my leaving for Korea I was told that people might stop me and ask for my autograph. This hadn't really happened to me, and I figured I wasn't tall enough to be thought of as something like a basketball player, and so it wouldn't happen to me. Well on Fridays, just before lunch, I have my favorite class, 3-5 (a third grade class). I like it because there are two really good English speaking boys who lived in the US for a time, and I can use them to help some translation issues. I also like it because there are some of the most adorable little girls, like the one with a mustache (incidentally the only facial hair I've seen in Korea), or the one who is a little heavier and stares at me with her little smirk for 5 straight minutes before every class, pointing her finger at me and rubbing the hair on my arm. (I guess body hair isn't too common around here.) So Friday they all were really rowdy for some reason and all started asking me for my autograph. Let me tell you what, it was absolutely bonkers. There were shoving these pieces of paper in my face like I was a Korean pop star or something. I mean at first it was funny, then it got to be really annoying. Eventually I just started signing alternate names like "Barack Obama", "Jack the Ripper", and "Marty Dertz". Can't wait til these kids realize what was really going on. I got a good laugh out of it.

Soccer games in Korea are a big deal, and so being here for the World Cup has been really cool, especially since Korea has had success. On game days/nights, local towns organize these huge gatherings of people and have a big screen available for viewing. Saturday night I went to "city hall" in Seoul with a bunch of people and watched the game. It was nuts. I couldn't even guess how many hundreds of thousands of people were there. It was a total mess because right before the game it started raining and didn't stop the whole time. But this was just an absolute party... prior to the opening kickoff there was a concert with all of Korea's most popular bands. The best part about it was that it was all free. It was such a cool experience, seeing people support their country and everything. I don't really have anything to compare it to in the US because while instances like the 2010 Olympics were great and did a lot for national pride, there were still people in the US who didn't really care about it. EVERYONE here is a die-hard soccer and Korea fan. All game long people sing and cheer and dance..even in the rain.


After Korea lost we went to Itaewon (a section of Seoul basically designed for foreigners) to watch the USA-Ghana game. Now keep in mind that the Korea game started at 11:00 PM. The US game started at 3:30 AM. These bars were all open and tons of people were hanging out, it was really cool. Because of the times I ended up getting home around 10:00 AM. I hadn't pulled a legitimate all-nighter since Tony Hawk 2 came out and Slick Willy was in office. But it felt good, made me feel like I'm still in college.

Drankin Henne$$ey

Words for the week: Alligator, koala bear, turtle.

The lunches lately have been ok. One particular day we had this chicken-like thing that tasted pretty good. I asked what it was, and they told me "oh, dang". So I looked it up, and this is what I was eating:



It is fish batter somehow put together, and with a bunch of sesame on it it tasted great. I usually eat a ton of lunch, and this particular day was no exception. But this really wasn't fish...it was really good. It was mixed in with quail eggs, which are also good. Never thought I would eat any of those before, but I guess now I can add that to my list.

Some people in Korea wear glasses without any lenses. Its their sense of fashion. I don't understand these people.

Last Monday I woke up at 5:45 to a mosquito buzzing around my face. I usually sleep with a fan on to ward off any mosquitos, because it has been a problem in the past, but this one was determined to eat me. I couldn't sleep after that, and when I finally got the the mirror I had 7 large bites on my right cheek/neck. Try explaining that to a bunch of Korean kids. What a nightmare. Some of them thought I had zits, while others just said "Tighe teacher mosquito face". It was really cool NOT. My coat is black NOT. Anyway the swelling went down about 2 hours later and I got some spray to prevent such episodes in the future.

Korean table manners are something else. I have my opinions, but a quick Google search will tell you what you need to know about them Lets just say that they aren't the same as Western standards. At all.


There are two types of schools where teachers like myself work: hagwon(s) which are private English institutes, or public schools. When I was applying for jobs over here I was going through two separate recruiting agencies, one private and one which sent teachers to public schools. The ONLY reason I eventually went with the agency who was affiliated with a public school was simply because they offered me a job first. The private agency said I was in and that I had passed the interview but they were looking for placement, more or less. And its a great thing I went public. Many of the foreign teachers whom I've met work at hagwons, and they do a LOT more work per day and work longer hours than public school teachers, and work weekends. Not to say that I don't enjoy the work (which I do), or that I would prefer to do less than an acceptable amount of work. It just that public schools allow for much more flexibility and, at least in my eyes, a more enjoyable teaching experience. If I want to solely lead a class I can, but if I want to share responsibilities with my co teacher then that is fine too. But thats just my opinion. And hagwons are often run as late as 10 or 11 PM. Yeah no thanks.

This past week I showed a powerpoint about how to say "he/she is ____", with various Korean celebrities as pictures. The students would look at the picture, raise their hands and then say "he is Tighe teacher/she is Kim Yuh-Na", for example. Then I showed a picture of Barack Obama. I called on this little girl to answer the question. She stood up, hesitated for a second, then immediatly started bawling in front of the whole class. I'm talking immediate tears and lots of power behind it. I mean I voted for McCain too little girl; but that's no reason to cry when you see his picture! What a great GOP ad that would have been...classic.

Teachers in Korea every 5 years have to change schools. This is a pretty good system actually; the purpose of it is to prevent one teacher from monopolizing his/her good position at a good school. Thus it gives teachers at crappier schools an opportunity to improve their situation. So teachers are always coming and going. Well my 3rd grade teacher just went through this kind of thing. So while we were anticipating the arrival of the next 3rd grade teacher, the interim substitute didn't want me around. My class schedule for Thursday and Friday mornings were just whittled down to a grand total of 1 combined. Unfortunately that one class came at the beginning of the 3rd period of Game 6 of the Stanley Cup finals! It wasn't a big deal though. I'm fortunate I was able to watch any of it let alone the end of the 3rd and overtime. But let me tell you that when Kane scored and I put my hands in the air and silently screamed, the other teacher in the teachers lounge at the time thought I was loony. It was a great morning.

Later that day I finally got paid for the first time. What a great day- the best since I have been here by far. I was feeling particularly American, what with Kane scoring the winning goal and all, and so immediately after school I bought some Budweiser and drank it on the way to McDonalds. The McDonalds in Korea are really good. Maybe its because I haven't had it in a while, but regardless it was awesome.

So that night I strolled around and found a place in the Yeoung-tong Dong (I know...thats honestly what its called) area of Suwon and found a "hennessey bar". Now I had only once in my life had hennessey but thought I would check the place out. That was my first mistake. I walked in and was one of two people in the bar. Still feeling American I ordered what I thought was a glass of Jack Daniels. Instead the waitress brought me an entire bottle of Jack. I mean...great lady but I am not looking to party that hard tonight. So she pours me a shot and then a chaser of tea (seriously) and then I want to pay but they don't understand. They do not understand the concept that I wanted to pay. So what does the waitress do? Pours me another shot. I mean at this point I kinda have to rip another one. So I tell the bartender that she should do one too, and she obliges. When I want to leave, I find out that they had run my card for THE ENTIRE BOTTLE OF JACK DANIELS for a price so high that I'm not comfortable sharing it over the internet. I tried explaining I didn't want the whole bottle, but I may as well have been talking to a wall. Now, never in my life would I have been bothered by owning something like that, but I think they were thinking that I would drink it all there. Crap. So I sit down again and the waitress and I do another shot. It was like this for about an hour before I finally convinced them to let me take my already opened bottle and leave that dungeon. But the entire time I sat at the bar, which was maybe an hour total. And for that same duration the bartender sat directly across from me at the bar staring at me. Talk about uncomfortable. I still don't know why she thought it was cool that she stared at me while we had nothing to talk about. Thats the last time I go to any hennessey bar.

Week 3ree

Words for the week: licorice, umbrella, lollipops.

My second and third weeks have been pretty interesting...nothing like the encounters I had week one but still pretty crazy....

I was given a toothbrush because they want us to brush our teeth after lunch. Kind of weird going into a messy bathroom with little kids running around and brushing my teeth, but I am not about to blatantly ignore something as "important" as that is right after I've begun working.

And bathroom doors are wide open. Anybody can watch a guy pee along the stall wall, which is kinda creepy. The girls' bathroom is open too, but they have stalls to protect themselves from 'peeping Sung-il Jin's'. There is also no form of drying your hands in the bathrooms, and since I always am washing my hands to get childrens' dirt off, its usually a problem. And in Korea soap dispensers are rare; there is only a bar of soap attached to a pole coming out of the wall. Not quite soap-on-a-rope, but awfully close. And you are not supposed to flush soiled toilet paper. You are to put it in a wastebasket next to each toilet. I have yet to do that, though, and if I get caught I'll obviously plead ignorance. But seriously, I think its in the school's best interest to let me flush them. I haven't been able to digest these spicy foods as well as I could have, and I wouldn't want any kids telling on me that I've been stinking up the bathroom. (Oh and I recently found out that there is a bathroom for teachers! Everytime I've needed to use it, however, the door has been locked...)

And as far as I know every teacher eats lunch at the school. The lunch can be hit or miss, I've liked it about 50% of the time...only when they serve something that is actually filling as opposed to a bunch of pathetic seaweed and tofu samples. Gross. And there is kimchi every single meal everyday...which is nothing more than spiced cabbage. I have tried to eat a little bit most meals, but it is honestly one of the grossest things I have ever voluntarily eaten. Radishes are also a huge part of Koreans' diet. But after eating them I understand why neither I nor most Americans regularly eat radishes. They usually taste similar to kimchi, but are a little easier to stomach.

Every morning at my school at 8:45 AM "Let it Be" by the Beatles is played over the P.A. system. I was told that this was because the principle really believes in the students learning English, and so thats one more way to incorporate the language into the everyday schedule. Whats weird is that I am responsible to be the lone native English speaker in the biggest elementary school (over 1700 I found out, larger than Knox) in the biggest suburb of one of the biggest cities in the world...searching for more superlatives...

All persons inside the school are required to wear sandals. They say its for comfort, but I don't buy that, especially when they say I have to get some. I secretly think its a ploy to make themselves feel taller. I'm going to get my very own pair later this week! Hopefully they have sandals made by LUGZ?

For some reason Dunkin Donuts is rarely open in the morning.

After volleyball last week the whole crew went out to eat at a traditional Korean place. I knew I was screwed with the seating again, but fortunately some of the teachers provided a wall that I could sit against so that I could stretch my legs. This was immediately after volleyball, where I had been sweating my balls off. Didn't have time to shower. So we eat, and out comes a few dishes containing a dark nutty looking thing, similar to walnuts I believe. Great, methinks, I can eat walnuts.

When I inquired about what they might be, I was told "pupa". Hmmmmm. When I hear that word I think of some sort of insect larva or something but couldn't quite put my finger on it. They told me it was a great source of protein, and they were all chowing down on this stuff so I figured I would give it a shot. It didn't taste good, in fact it tasted like a combination of poop and dirt. I then asked Kyun exactly what it was, and he typed it into his translator on his phone. "Silkworm pupa" was the result....Oh great! I love worms! Below is what they looked like, except the ones I ate were a lot less plump and soaked in water:

Funny thing is that the taste was dead on! Just as I thought....poop and dirt. Aren't worms the best!?!? I couldn't believe these people.






After dinner all the men ditched the women to go play pool. Except in Korea you don't play normal billiards, you play what is called "four ball":
AwWgDI" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4dt2AwWgDI

I had a bit of a hard time adjusting, but I see a lot of potential there for me.

Anyway, that whole scene was weird. So we left there and then after getting a couple beers some of the guys wanted to go to karaoke. I'm not the biggest fan, especially when I am relatively sober, but had no other choice really. So we went in and sat down. At karaoke you go into a building with lots of different small rooms where you can sing and eat and drink and be loud without any interference from other parties. My friends all start singing these really passionate, slow Korean songs. I couldn't tell if they were serious or if they were playing a trick on me. I mean, these guys had good voices and were dead sober---which scared the hell out of me. They asked me to pick a song but there weren't any that I felt comfortable with. I had to choose one at the last minute and went with Metallica's "Fade to Black". Wow, you should have seen the look on these guys' faces. They probably thought I was an absolute nut--especially singing that on the heels of their slow Korean love songs. Fortunately I was able to save my standing with them by doing a rip rousing rendition of Nickelback a few minutes later. Phew, I was back on top.

I was told at the last minute (which is not an unusual form of communication in Korea) on Thursday that I will be the new basketball coach. Out of the blue, actually. So I threw some shorts on, went outside, gave each 4th grader an American name that I could remember, and we played basketball. And I thought it was fun playing against 8th graders at the last school I taught at! The rims here are maybe 9 feet high on a good day. I might start calling myself LeBron for these kids' sake, its ridiculous.

And finally, I have brought "the pound" to the Far East. All these kids love saying "hallo teacher tighe/meester tighe" and giving me high fives, so I introduced the pound and they love it. Saves me a good 2 minutes of high fives between classes.