You Are Gay

Hope things are going good in the 847 and 312. Things in the 082-010 are alright, I am beginning to have a lot more responsibility in the classroom which is sweet because we do what I want. And that usually includes a lot of time being wasted on cheesy jokes and dancing.

So I met this dude Ben a few weeks ago bungee jumping. He is an American here working for the department of defense as a civil engineer. He told me that as a government employee he had access to the military bases around. My first question was whether or not he played golf, to which he replied "Golf is my sport. I played in high school and college." He is from Arizona, so I figured he would be pretty good. So last Saturday night we got together and I was gonna stay at his place that night, then in the morning we were gonna play a round at Osan, an air force base not too far from where I live. (Incidentally, I heard that there are around 50 or so U.S. military bases in South Korea alone. Yikes.) So Saturday night I meet him at the train station, where he picked me up. He picked me up in his massive Dodge Ram which the government shipped over from the U.S. Then we went to his 3 bedroom, roughly 1,000 square foot condo, which had all of his furniture from his apartment in the U.S. shipped free of charge by the government. His $22,000 annual rent is also covered by the government. All of this for a 24 year old recent graduate from ASU with a degree in civil engineering. Now I am beginning to understand a) where our tax dollars go and b) why our defense spending is so massive.

So we hit the links in the morning, each paying 30 bucks for 18. the conditions were pretty wet, but it was great to get out there for a change. We played with this guy who was an airman stationed in southern Korea. He told me all about his trips to South America, the Middle East, and Asia. Although when I asked him what he thought about the current North Korea situation, he claimed he wasn't allowed to talk about it. In my head I said "bullshit", but it wasn't a big deal so we moved to the 12th tee. My drive was ok and my 3rd shot approach went about 30 yards past the green. I was behind the green looking for my ball when I saw these two Korean dudes, clearly part of the joint U.S./South Korean army, dressed in fatigues standing on a platform about 15 feet above where I was, each wielding some sort of automatic weapon. It seemed they were guarding some sort of huge machine gun or something. They hadn't seen my ball, but I eventually found it. I asked our playing partner what they were doing there, and what kind of gun it was that they were guarding. He wasn't positive, but thought it was an 'anti-aircraft machine gun'. Pretending to know what in the hell he was talking about, I asked what kind of firepower they held. He said it was similar to that of an A-10 jet, or those gray jets you sometimes see with the teeth and devilish grin at its nose. So here these two Korean dudes were, just manning a massive automated machine gun designed to shoot down anything that might go near the base's oil center. And I'm trying to putt? Are you kidding me? I ended up doubling that hole, by the way.

The back nine were better...I'm pretty sure the cheap Budweisers we were drinking had something to do with it, at least that's what I'm tellin' myself. After we played we went to Chili's. Now, I haven't been to Chili's since I had to use a fake ID to drink margaritas back in high school, but let me tell you what, its awesome. The Notre Dame game was on then, and we were there just in time to watch Denard Robinson run 87 yards down the heart of the ND defense. I had the Jalapeno Cheddar Bacon Big Mouth Burger. I had no idea how good Chili's could be, especially in a place as far as Korea. It was unbelievable. I am a huge Chili's fan, and will continue to patronize it as long as I live. There are all sorts of similar American restaurants on base, where all Koreans speak English and the US dollar is accepted everywhere. There is even an American supermarket and a free movie theater. Its a sweet place.

So at the beginning of September I moved into a brand new classroom with my host/co-teacher. I have one co-teacher for each grade 3-6, but the one whom I talk most with and deals with all my paperwork and translation stuff is the 5th grade English teacher. She is really cool, I'm glad to have her. Before we moved rooms we sat pretty close to each other. This new room was built over the summer as a strictly English classroom. We now sit roughly 20 yards apart from one another. The room is in what was a vacant space before, so everything in it is new. New desks, chairs, tables, walls, computers...everything is new. There are six table/desks where up to 6 students sit. Each of those tables has a built in computer. There are new small tables and English signs and even a few chessy TV monitors which display English literature and things of that sort OUTSIDE of the classroom. Inside, we have a space that is twice as big as every other classroom. Our place, dubbed "Jamwon's English Center", is one of only two air-conditioned classrooms in the entire school, with the other being the other "English Zone", which 6th graders use and where I spend the other half of my entire work week. Perhaps the best feature of this classroom is the CommBox. It is this 70-inch TV/computer that is much more than a computer. You can control what happens on it via connected mouse, mobile mouse, or by touching the screen. I teach little Korean kids English by touching a screen and having it make noises and words. It is the coolest thing ever. It has too many features to list, but I will just say that I highly doubt any public school in the U.S. (even within district 36) has something with this thing's capabilities. Oh and when I get tired there is a couch in my classroom too. Thank God, you wouldn't want to be too sleepy on the job. The whole room cost over $25,000 I believe.

In a school so big, especially a public school, its not surprising that I would find and meet many different kinds of kids. Lately though there have been a number of kids who stand out for one reason or another. I wish I could make some of this stuff up, as it is all true and likely hard to believe. But they include:

This one kid who runs towards me, jumps on my back and screams "you are gay!" At first I was kinda caught off guard...like, what in the hell in this 11 year old Korean child saying to me? But after a few days I remembered that when we ate dog a month ago, we ordered gae, or dog meat (which was delicious). He hasn't been calling me "gay" as the Western world knows it, but instead he's been calling me a dog. So now I call him gay back. It's good fun.

This one little girl who I see every day walking in the halls. Every day she smiles ear to ear, points at me, and says "You like dick". And every day I say something like "no, no you can't say that; that's not nice." But she never gets it, and is always a lock to be there the following day repeating her one and only phrase.

Or the kid who refers to just about everything as "Obama". I will call on him and say "how do you spell 'hat'', and he will respond with "Obama". I pretend to get upset sometimes, as if to say 'you shouldn't talk about the president of my country in such a humorous manner'. But really? Who am I kidding? It's pretty funny. You gotta pick your battles with these kids, and that's not one I'm willing to fight.

Because its a public school every kid of every kind of accepted. So there are some kids here who are mentally or physically retarded. Although they probably have no idea what is going on, these kids are a lot of fun. They love to smile and have a shitload of fun doing the simplest things. They also don't really cause trouble (except for this one kid with severe hardcore ADHD who doesn't shut his damn mouth). But at the same table as the ADHD kid is this girl whom I had never seen talk before. We were playing a game last week where if the ball came to you, you had to answer the question on the board. The ball comes to her and she says nothing...for 45 seconds or so. I try explaining what is going on but get nothing. Not even a movement. The ball is sitting in her lap and she doesn't even look at me or move or speak or anything. I give up and get the ball to another student. After class my co-teacher tells me that when this girl leaves her house in the morning she doesn't talk. Not once during the day does she open her mouth, only when she is at home. I guess it is some kind of psychological syndrome or something. While at school the students and teachers all act like they know that she can talk, as if to encourage her to do so. It's really kind of neat that everyone understands this girls situation, but nothing has really worked yet. But for some reason my co-teacher neglected to tell me this prior to class beginning. I still don't know why...

There are also some kids who have experience living abroad...among others, there's a girl from England, two boys from the U.S., and a brother and sister who just moved from Egypt who are fluent in English because that's the type of education they get at international schools. Most of these kids are pretty fun to talk with (although our conversations usually revolve around nothing I could give a damn about), and some of them have better English than the Korean co-teacher who accompanies me (one for each grade). That's when I feel bad; some of these kids have better English than the teachers and are soooo bored in class. I wanna go hang out with them and talk about how boring school must be for them. At Red Arrow, for instance, that would be acceptable. You are more or less friends with the kids. Here--unlike most of the other teachers--my maturity level can be just as low as the kids, so its easy to get along with them. For example, I'm the only teacher who ever does stuff fun like throwing them around the halls and arm wrestling 6 of them at once.

I am going to Thailand all next week, but I thought a post now would be appropriate since I'm sure I will have plenty to say about Thailand. I'm going with this girl Shannon, and we are staying a few nights in Bangkok then heading south to the islands on the eastern side of the straight, in the Gulf of Thailand. Pretty excited for the beaches and snorkeling and we might even ride elephants, although I have heard they are really slow. Who'da thunk it?